Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
