...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
