Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
and she was petting her beer can
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
