Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It was confusing and full of hummus
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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