My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
