That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
