He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
