we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
