wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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