My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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