idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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