maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
