It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
