I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
