glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
