I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
