I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
