Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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