What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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