i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We need to rekindle our bromance
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
