She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
wow bdsm is so cute
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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