I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
