the condom got lost in my hair
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
