Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
