I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
