I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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