Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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