Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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