we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
