The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
