dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We need to get me chipped asap
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
