apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Also, beer. Big fan.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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