so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
