I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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