Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
