Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize