if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
