No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
