marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
