I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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