i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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