He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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