all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
