I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
