Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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