doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just cut my nipple shaving
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
