well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize