having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
