I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
