please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
