he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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