My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
