Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
