can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
