Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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