Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
