just come out here and I will go home with you...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
