just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
