You're my little dorito
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
