my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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