I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
