It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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