And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
