Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
