i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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