i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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