I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
