You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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