The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
