need another drink. this is the easiest way
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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