Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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