ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
