I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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