life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
